


meditation (i thought of you)

by falchion



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - World War II, Community: snkkink, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-13
Updated: 2013-12-04
Packaged: 2018-01-01 09:33:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1043251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falchion/pseuds/falchion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fill from the SNK kink meme: </p><p>Levi is a French street musician in Paris and Erwin is an American G.I. who’s about to head back home to the States in a couple of months after the war has ended but is forced to reconsider his future plans after he and Levi bump into each other and somehow get to know each other and eventually end up having sex and falling in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The wind was chilly as Erwin tread along the Seine, rubbing his hands together to try and keep warm. The streets were empty, and had been at this time of the night for a while. 

It was August 1945, and Paris was still feeling the after-effects of the war. 

Erwin had been commissioned to remain in the city and assist his commander-in-charge with the final head counts before he was allowed to return home. It wasn’t the type of job he fancied, and most of his friends had already returned home. However, Erwin was already treading on thin ice with the commander, having pissed him off a few months prior. He and a friend had skipped out on night watch to play with some nearby French duty-girls. It wasn’t that he regretted that decision entirely (in fact, he didn’t at all), but the punishment was something he could do without.

He was only a block away from his apartment when a set of flashing lights came before him. Construction of a bridge was taking place, and a few of the workers spotted him and called out to him.

“Sorry, I don’t…” he said, and at once they stopped. The one closest to Erwin looked at him, and let out a gasp of surprise when he saw the medals hanging from his pocket.

“Oh, American,” he said, before frowning. He thought for a moment, before opening his mouth. “This way, no. That way,” he said through a thick accent, pointing across the road. “That way, you go. This way cannot.”

Erwin contemplated for a moment on whether or not to explain that his room was only 5 minutes away, but decided against it on the grounds of his shitty French and the men’s sub-par English. 

It wasn’t that he was entirely against the idea of walking around Paris – the city was beautiful, and he was yet to grow tired of it. However, tonight was colder than usual, and the sky had been dark with rain all day. The path the worker had pointed at wrapped around a road, and he could see that it bent back around to the other side of his block. However, it was a far walk, no doubt at least another twenty minutes, but there wasn’t much of an option. 

“Ah, be damned with it,” he muttered, and he took to his step. A strong gust of wind came a while later, and his face felt numb with cold. His hands had been stashed into the pockets of his coat, but even then he could feel them stiffening. Then, by his sheer bad luck, came the rain, stinging cold against his skin and coming in torrents. 

Erwin swore and began to jog, hoping that perhaps there would be shelter somewhere within the next something hundred metres. He managed to stop under the roof of a newspaper stand, but the wind was blowing the rain onto him, wetting him regardless. 

For a moment, the rain let up, and Erwin dashed out, spotting ahead of him shelter just under a bridge. It was still drizzling, but he could deal with it as he ran quickly towards it, letting out a sigh of relief when his hand reached the brick foundations, stone cold to touch. 

It was an impressive bridge, well over thirty metres high. Erwin leaned against it, staring upwards at the roof, before a noise to his right took his attention. A man stood there, bent over something. He couldn’t see quite well, but the man didn’t seem to be moving either, but rather began to sit on the pavement, staring out onto the road. Erwin watched him for a few minutes, alternating his attention between the man and the sky, where the rain didn’t seem like it would hold up for a while. 

“Cold night, huh?” Erwin called to the man, deciding to try his luck on his limited French. His voice wavered on the second word, and Erwin convinced himself that it was due to the cold. 

There was silence, and Erwin swallowed before turning his face back to the wall. He stood around for a few more seconds, before feeling himself flush, preparing himself to walk back into the rain.

“How much longer do you have to stay here?” came a reply, and Erwin stilled. 

Erwin stared curiously at the man, who was now standing with his arms folded and back against the wall. “A-A couple of months more, I guess. Sorry, are you-“

“I’m not American, no,” he replied curtly. Erwin cocked his head curiously. His English sounded very American to him, but at the same time had a foreign tinge in the way he formed his sounds. “But you are, I can see it all over you.”

It wasn’t too surprising, really, for he stood out like a tack. Even Erwin thought his frame was immensely tall, and the way he held himself was different to that of any Frenchman. His hair was slicked back, the way American soldiers were taught, and if anything else his brown uniform was the biggest giveaway of them all. The two looked at each other, and Erwin’s eyes trailed down to the black box sitting at the man’s feet. 

“It’s a violin,” the man said before Erwin could open his mouth, and Erwin turned his eyes back to him. The way he said the word sent a chill down his spine, and Erwin’s feet led him right up towards him. The man was much shorter than him, his skin pale and hair dark. 

“Do you play by request?” he asked, and the man looked up at him. His gaze was strong, and Erwin couldn’t help but stare back.

“If I know it, yeah. What are you thinking?”

Violin pieces weren’t really Erwin’s forte. But the way the man said it, with his eyes looking up at him were almost daring, and a smirk was playing thinly on his lips. 

“Meditation,” he said after a moment, and the man’s eyes flashed. “By Masanet. Do you know that one?”

He nodded. “I do,” he said, and he bent down and unzipped his case. From it came his trade, a deep mahogany brown. Erwin watched as he took his stance, feet apart and elbow high, and from the first note felt entirely captivated. It took him back, thinking of the pieces his mother used to play, back when he was a child. The way she played was really quite beautiful, her bow crisp white and movements languid. The man was much the same – in fact, better. He closed his eyes as he played, long fingers expertly skating the fingerboard, his wrist swaying with vibrato and each note perfectly hit. The sound echoed under the bridge, and Erwin couldn’t look away. 

The final note played, and silence rang between them. The man eyed him, his expression unreadable, and it took a moment for Erwin to come back to his senses. 

Erwin pulled a note from the pocket of his jacket, and held it out to the man. “That was…” he paused. He couldn’t even think of a word to describe it. “Wow.”

“Thanks,” he replied, taking the note. He was about to turn to put away his violin when he paused and stood back up. “This is one thousand francs,” the man said, turning to stare at Erwin. Erwin shrugged.

“I haven’t got anything less on me right now. But believe me, your playing is worth more than that, really.”

He chuckled as he put away his violin, zipping up the case. “Well, the rain’s stopped. It’s gotten late. I’m going to guess the bridge construction forced you to go this way?”

Erwin blinked in surprise. “Yeah, you’re right. Shockingly so.”

“Well, it wont be finished for a long time, so you’d better get used to this walk.” He paused for a moment, before letting out a breath. His eyes looked up to catch with Erwin’s. “Come back down here tomorrow. I think owe you another song.” And without another word, he turned from Erwin, around the corner and out of sight.


	2. Chapter 2

"Sir," Erwin said, looking up from his paperwork. The commander turned his attention to him for a split second, before grunting to signal for him to continue. 

"How acquainted are you with the violin?" 

"You play?" The incredulous look on his face was one Erwin had never seen before, but really, he didn't quite blame him. 

"Oh, no. It’s uh, just a bit quiet where I’m staying,” he lied. There were enough stray cats in the alleyway next to his apartment that he could stay up all night. 

There was a sigh, and the commander folded his arms over his chest. "Sorry, but I think you’re talking to the wrong guy.” He creased his forehead in thought, before twisting his mouth oddly. “The best I can offer is Beethoven, I guess? Romance in 7. I heard it once in concert, back home years ago. It was a duet with a piano, though.”

Erwin raised his eyebrows. Commander Pixis hadn’t been back home since he was deployed in France well over two years ago. For him to remember the name of the piece that well meant it was probably something special to him – at least, that’s how Erwin saw it. Nodding his head, he quickly took note of it on the corner of a blank envelope, before stashing it inside his coat. 

"You don't seem like much of a musical type though, Smith." The commander looked at him curiously.

Erwin frowned, "What do I look like, then?" 

The commander thought for a moment, his eyes scanning up and down Erwin’s frame, as if they’d just met for the first time. "Well for starters, you look like a bit of a scary guy, really. Tall, blond and stoic... definitely a real soldier, I guess. Tough. Not artsy. A real model of the uniform, they could use you on enlistment flyers back home." Commander Pixis nodded at this, agreeing with his own decision. "But anyway, enough of this. It’s time for musical Erwin to disappear, and the soldier Erwin to resurface. I need you to have all your paperwork done by two. The local police asked that we help with some street patrols, so I put you up near the Seine. You're fine with that, right? I know you live pretty nearby, so you can go straight home once you're done, no need to come back here." 

"Oh, sure," Erwin said, nodding. "I’ve almost finished with this, anyway. I have about… five pages left?" Commander Pixis didn't reply, and Erwin took that as a signal to shut up and get back to work. 

Erwin quickly scanned the rest of his papers, stamping them as approved before stashing them into a neat pile. "Sir, I’ve finished!” he announced, folding up his stack. Pixis simply nodded in response, engrossed in his own reading. “Then I’ll be heading out for my patrol, then,' he said, and he turned to quickly finish his cup of coffee. 

“Yeah, good work Smith,” Pixis said, waving his hand. 

Erwin smiled and lowered his head, before ducking out the door.

==

Despite seeing it every day, Erwin had yet to grow tired of the sight of the River Seines. Sure, the weather was taking a turn for the worse, but the river remained the same each day. 

He’d taken up patrol of this area before, but as usual, nothing really happened. The streets were still rather quiet, with many people staying in the comfort of their own homes, with their families and loved ones nearby. Out and about were mainly couples, or parents with young children who needed the exercise.

A mother with her young children, a son and a daughter, approached Erwin and started friendly conversation. It was mostly one sided, since he didn’t speak French and she didn’t speak English, but the way her children looked up at Erwin was plenty enough. They asked him to salute, and to show them his gun, which he did, holding it high enough that they could see it while remaining out of their reach. The mother smiled at him and bowed her head after a while, thanking him for humoring her children. 

At this point, France was such a city that Erwin felt like nothing more than a statue placed along the streets for show.

Deciding to take a walk, Erwin looked curiously around the area, hoping to find something that could take his attention if not for a while. To his left, a small crowd had gathered at an intersection, right near a train station. It was unusually busy, especially at this time for the day, and having nothing better to do, made it his destination. As he got closer, though, he frowned. He could hear faintly, through murmurs, the sound of a violin, and at once he ground to a halt.

Surely, there were tens, if not hundreds, of street performers in Paris. It was just surely not possible. The chances were definitely too slim, because France was a big place and - 

It was definitely him. Being tall had its perks, especially in a situation like this. Erwin could easily see over the top of the small crowd that had amassed, to see the same man as the night prior playing by the corner. And just the same, his music sounded nothing short of incredible. 

Leaning down, Erwin tapped a woman on the shoulder. “Excuse me, by any chance do you know his name?”

The woman turned, confused, before noticing Erwin’s American uniform and changing her expression. “His name? Um… Levi,” she said, before turning her attention back towards the violinist.

Levi. Erwin mouthed his name, short and sweet. Around him, the crowd began to cheer, and Levi took a bow. Coins and notes were dropped into his tin, the crowd a bit rough, before subsiding completely. 

It was just the two of them left. Erwin dug into his pocket and pulled out a coin, popping it into Levi’s tin.

“Good evening, soldier,” he said, turning around. He was kneeling at his case, putting his violin away.

“Good evening to you, too. Levi, is it?”

Levi smirked, “So you’ve gotten my name, huh?”

Erwin nodded. “Quite the celebrity you must be around here, then.”

“Not really,” Levi shrugged. “I just play a lot here. Got to survive somehow.”

The two stood in silence, and Levi pulled his violin over his shoulder. Then, he bent down and picked up his tin, unscrewing the lid and checking the contents. He pulled out a coin of the same value as Erwin’s. “This is quite a change from last night, huh?”

Erwin laughed. “Got to survive somehow,” he said, and Levi rolled his eyes.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, stashing his earnings into his pack, before slinging that too over his shoulder.

“Patrols. It’s stupid, because even if something happened, I wouldn’t be able to get a word in with the person I’m chasing.”

Levi looked at him oddly. “You know it’s just a publicity stunt, right? The French forces are just using you guys as cheap labour while you’re still offering yourselves to us.”

A silence passed between them. Erwin knew it, of course, but nobody ever spoke about it. It wasn’t that any of the soldiers particularly minded, either, as it seemed like a good thing to do. But to hear it so blatantly from a local himself made it seem almost… foolish. 

“Sorry,” Levi said quickly, seeing Erwin’s expression change.

“No,” Erwin said, raising his hand. “No, don’t apologize. It’s true, and we know it.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “But I don’t mind. This is a nice place. I can happily say that I’m a part of all..” he looked around at the quiet streets. “This. Kind of.”

Levi watched him curiously, tiling his head. “Name,” he said suddenly.

“What?” Erwin asked.

“Your name, idiot,” Levi said, folding his arms. “You have mine, god knows how. Don’t people exchange names in America?” He thought for a moment. “Actually, all you guys ever seem to do is yell at each other. Maybe names aren’t necessary.”

Erwin looked at him blankly for a few seconds. “Oh. Uh… Erwin. Erwin Smith,” he said, blinking a few times. Never had a French citizen asked him for his name, in all the years he’d been here, so naturally it came as a surprise.

Neither of them said anything more, and the two stood there uncomfortably. At least, Erwin did, he wasn’t sure about Levi. Levi was busy digging through his bag, organizing things or whatever else he was doing. Erwin was blanked out, watching him, when suddenly he spoke.

“When do you finish?” he asked.

“Huh? Me?” he asked, before biting his cheek. Of course Levi was talking to him. He closed his eyes in a second of self mortification, before answering. “Um, five usually. Although the commander did say I could leave early.”

“How early?” Levi asked.

Erwin shrugged, “He didn’t say, really. When I was done.”

“Well,” Levi said, jumping up. “You’re as done on this street as you’ll ever be. Come on, I have somewhere to take you,” he said, before turning and walking down the street.

“Wait, what?” Erwin called after him. Levi didn’t stop to respond, and Erwin just stared as his figure retreated into the distance. 

“Coming? Or not?”

Erwin’s eyes darted quickly to the nearest clock tower. It was 4pm. Levi didn’t look like he’d be stopping anytime soon. 

Apologizing mentally to Commander Pixis, Erwin shook his head, and jogged off to catch up to Levi.


	3. Chapter 3

For a guy so much shorter than him, Levi sure walked fast. “Some soldier you are, are you by any chance out of breath?” Levi leered.

Erwin glared at him to shut up. “Where are we going?” he asked, ignoring Levi’s question. 

Levi simply shook his head, “That’s a secret.”

For a moment, Erwin stopped, feeling uneasy. Here he was, ditching his duty to go gallivanting with a guy he’d only just met. He didn’t even know where he was going. 

“What, did you suddenly realize how stupid a decision it was to follow me?” Levi asked him, stopping and turning to face Erwin.

“Are you like… part of a terrorist organization, or something, by any chance?” Erwin looked at Levi suspiciously. He had a gun on his belt, but he hadn’t shot it off the battlefield before. He wasn’t sure whether he even had the balls to.

Levi looked at Erwin for a few seconds, before bursting into laughter. “Do I look like a terrorist to you? I’m just a street performer. Nothing more.”

Strangely, Erwin was still not convinced. Sighing, Levi walked up to him, and looked him in the eyes. “It’s just something I want you to see. If you don’t like it, we can leave right away. Please, just trust me on this.”

Levi looked up at Erwin with a look that said he knew what he was doing. Erwin sighed. “Alright,” he said, giving up. Because really, he’d already given up his post. There wasn’t much point returning, and even he could admit that probably nothing was going to happen, anyway.

No other words were exchanged after that, only Levi setting out his pace, although slower this time. Erwin walked causally beside him, but kept his gaze out onto the road, rather than on Levi. “You might have come here before,” Levi said suddenly, and Erwin tilted his head. 

“What makes you think that?”

Levi was silent for a moment, “Why do you think?” he asked, and Erwin looked ahead.

Buildings had become sparser as they’d walked, the area relatively empty. At Erwin’s feet was overgrown grass, and when he looked into the distance, found gravestones. War memorials, hastily put up in the midst of the war, many of which were just planks of wood put up before names could be forgotten. 

“Is... Is this...” Erwin halted.

“Graveyard. Of some sort, at least,” Levi nodded.

Levi walked through the grass and over many place-markers. He kept walking, before coming to a halt at huge wooden slab with words messily burned onto the surface. 

“Hanji Zoe,” Erwin read. He turned his head to Levi in confusion. 

“She was an American soldier, just like you. At least, that’s what she told me,” he chuckled. “She lived next door to me, back in my hometown. Taught me English,” he added, nodding like it was the most important thing in the world. “She quit the army and moved to France… said she liked the language, or something. She was pretty shit at it, but it never stopped her,” he laughed. He sounded bitter, like each word was ripping at his heart. “She’s the reason why I’m here, in Paris. She took me with her, when she rejoined the army. Only did it after the Germans invaded, of course. She was in the infirmary, looking after wounded civilians and stuff.”

“What happened to her?” Erwin asked quietly. 

Levi was silent for a moment. “One day, she just never came home. Disappeared. Nobody knows what happened to her. They never even found her body. It took me a month to build up the strength to even make this.” He reached out his hand and touched the wood gingerly. It was beaten with the weather, and even starting to rot in places. Levi’s fingers gripped tightly around it, trembling slightly. 

Erwin imagined a younger Levi, sitting at home, way past dark. Was she a friend? A lover? Erwin didn’t know. But he knew the feeling, of sitting there, refusing to accept the worst while knowing at the same time it was true. The writing on the wood was messy, and probably written with a metal pin. Erwin imagined Levi sitting in the dark over a candle, burning his fingers in effort with hands shaking over each letter.

“Why are you showing me this?” Erwin asked finally. 

Levi didn’t say anything. His mouth opened, and shut, and opened, and shut. His hands returned to his sides, and clenched into fists. “I don’t know,” he confessed, and his eyes shot to the ground. “I don’t fucking know.” 

==

Levi was silent after that. He didn’t so much as make a noise to Erwin when he got up off the ground ten minutes later, but rather simply stood for a moment before stalking off. Levi looked different to how he was before – almost raw in comparison, leaving Erwin a little unsure as to whether or not he should follow him. 

But, when Erwin followed behind the Frenchman, he wasn’t met by any bitter remarks or ice-cold glares, so he assumed his presence wasn’t entirely unwanted. 

It was a little past five before the two of them made it back to the main city, and the wind was starting to pick up a little more. The sun was setting fast, and Erwin could feel the wind chill creeping through his coat. He wondered how Levi felt, wearing nothing but a thin sweater over a normal white shirt. 

Suddenly, Levi took a turn, and Erwin found himself in an area he hadn’t set foot in before. The buildings were built close, leaving alleyways wide enough for only one person between them. The bricks were cracked and missing, and that combined with the darkening sky gave Erwin chills just passing by. 

“Sorry but,” Erwin said suddenly. After being quiet for so long, talking felt almost strange. “Where are we going?”

In front of him, Levi jumped, a French cure word making its way out of his mouth. “Shit, you’re still here?” he asked, grounding to a halt, eyes wide. 

Erwin stared at him for a bit. Sure, he hadn’t said anything for the past however long, but he wasn’t exactly the smallest and most inconspicuous guy around. It took him a moment to gather his thoughts. “Um, yeah. Sorry,” he asked, pointing out, “should I-“

Levi sighed and cut Erwin off mid-sentence. “Well since you’re here, I’m sorry there’s nothing much to look at,” he said blankly, before turning to face the wall. 

He reached out for a moment, and Erwin realized it wasn’t a wall, but a door. After a few seconds of pulling, Levi swore again, before using his arm to press hard at the top of the door. 

“Fucking door gets jammed sometimes. I should get that fixed,” he muttered, more to himself than Erwin, before the door finally gave way. It let off a horrible noise of wood grinding against concrete. 

When Erwin stepped inside, there was really nothing. There was a bed in the corner, with sheets the colour white not too dissimilar to the ones Erwin had seen at infirmaries. There was a small, wooden radio, a stack of books and aligned against the wall, several violin bows. 

“Furniture’s too expensive these days; I only have what I need. Hungry?” Levi asked him, after putting his violin case against the wall. 

“Um,” Erwin said, but Levi had already turned away before he could answer.

“I don’t eat much aside from bread. Not that there’s huge amounts of choice these days, anyway,” he said, scoffing. 

On the other side of the room was a kitchenette, and on the wall was a painting of a sunflower. The rest of the room was entirely empty.  
“Here,” Levi said, handing Erwin a small bun. Inside it was a sliced tomato and some canned meat. 

Erwin accepted it, and sat on a simple stool. The floorboards were made of wood, and the room was actually quite cold. He thought of his own apartment – it was crap by his standards, nothing like what he had back home, but seeing Levi’s house, he felt a little graced. 

While Erwin sat, Levi turned and took out his violin. He tapped the bow on the floorboards by his feet, and addressed Erwin directly. “Song. I owe you one. Go.”

“Wait, what? No, you don’t have to, really. I’m even here in your house and everything, that’s enough.”

“Say a song.”

“No, really you-“

“Song.”

Erwin was stubborn. But Levi was too, moreso than him, and Erwin sighed in defeat. “Beethoven!” he said, louder than he intended. Levi’s lips curled into a smile. “Romance in 7. It’s… It’s my friends favourite. Do you know it?”

“Of course I know it,” Levi snapped. “This is my job. If I couldn’t play a simple Beethoven I’d have starved years ago,” he said, and a second later began to play.

Erwin didn’t hear too much of the song. His focus was elsewhere - not on the sound, but the one making it happen. The man playing in front of him took his interest more than the music itself. He’d noticed it yesterday, but it was a fully formed thought now – Levi’s lips moved slightly while he played, counting the beats in each bar. Even when his hair fell over his eyes, he wouldn’t shift his head to move it. He’d keep playing regardless, like it didn’t bother him at all. 

(It didn’t.)

“Erwin?” Levi asked.

Blurred, Levi’s face came into Erwin’s peripheral vision. “Huh?” He shook his head, suddenly coming back from his thoughts. Did the song end already?

“You know,” Levi asked, looking up at Erwin. ”I was meaning to ask you this last night, but thought it might be a little rude. What exactly are you still doing here? Aside from spending your life in a foreign country, I get that much. Extra credit? Honours? A picture for your parents back home?”

Erwin blinked, before humming. “I got in trouble, so I’ve been placed on clean-up duty. Head counts, community service… they’re just keeping me from going home to teach me a lesson, really.”

Levi stared for a moment. “What the hell did you do?”

He shrugged. “Skipped night watch to have a night out… hey, don’t look at me like that.” He shot Levi a look.

Scoffing, Levi turned away. “Whatever,” he rolled his eyes. “Oh, and another thing, too. The other day, you were headed off out of the city centre. Don’t you foreign soldiers live in government bunkers? Down in the central?”

Erwin laughed. “Yeah, we do,” he started, and Levi raised an eyebrow at him. “But since I’ve been placed here for a few more months than most, I convinced them to let me have my own flat. It’s a shit flat, but I’d take that over the soldier rooms… it’s nasty just thinking about it.”

“How so?”

“What do you think a room with eight guys living in it will look after a week? When people don’t clean, some of them don’t shower and there’s tissues lying everywhere…” 

Levi shuddered. “Oh, that’s fucking gross. I can’t stand messes,” he said, and Erwin nodded in agreement.

“Anyway, it’s your turn now. Tell me something about yourself.” He smiled slightly. 

There was a moment of silence, and Levi frowned. “What am I meant to say? I’m not like you, I’m not a soldier. I don’t have anything interesting to tell.”

Erwin shook his head, “Don’t say that. How about you tell me about your violin?” he asked. Levi bit his lip.

“My… My dad, he made it…” he started. His eyes turned back down to his hands where his violin sat curled between his fingers. “My parents. They were violin makers, back when they were alive.” For a moment, Levi paused again, raising his head to look at Erwin. 

Erwin stared back at him, meeting his gaze, and the two said nothing. Levi hesitated, opening his mouth, before closing it, unsure of what to say. Another beat passed, and Levi lowered his eyes. 

Erwin’s mouth went dry, and he felt numb inside. He shouldn’t have opened his mouth. Levi had already said so much today, said things nobody should have to. And yet, here he was, prying into Levi’s life, making him remember more things he shouldn’t have to. Levi had a past Erwin would never understand. He fucked up.

“Actually, I- shit, it’s late already,” Erwin said suddenly, standing to his feet. He threw a quick glance at the clock on Levi’s wall and found the time to be nearing six. Levi looked up at him in surprise. “I forgot I’m meant to um, I’m patrolling early tomorrow morning.”

“Wait, Erwin,” Levi said, but Erwin shook his head.

“Really, it’s my fault. Some soldier I am, huh? Losing track of the time like that,” he laughed. 

“Erwin,” Levi said again, and Erwin darted towards the door, pulling at the door knob.

“Erwin Smith.” The door slammed shut. Levi had his palm pressed flat against it before Erwin could get so much as a foot outside. In fact, the door had hardly shifted at all.

“I told you, it’s broken,” Levi said. The two of them stared at each other for a moment, not making noise. “And,” he said, drawing out the word. “You never told me how I played.”

Erwin stared into Levi’s eyes, only for Levi to stare back with just as much intensity. He wasn’t kidding around. “It was good,” Erwin replied, voice low.

Levi smirked. “You think?” he let go of the door, and stepped back. “It was good. Is that all you really have to say?” He tilted his head, and his fringe fell over his eyes. 

He didn’t get a reply, and a smile tugged at his lips. Folding his arms over his chest, Levi flicked his head so that his hair fell back to the sides. “My music is more than good,” he said, saying the word like it was poison. “And you’re going to believe that.”

It wasn’t so much a suggestion as it was a nicely-put order.


	4. Chapter 4

“Hello,” Levi said, appearing out of nowhere to Erwin’s side.

The blond raised his eyebrows in curiosity. “Where’d you come from?” he asked, tilting his head. It was just past eleven AM, and Erwin was stuck doing patrol work again. And yes, while it was very much boring, it was marginally better than being in a cramped office stamping things all day long. 

He indicated his thumb to the street corner, “Getting lunch money,” he said, before turning away from Erwin and heading to the intersection. He unzipped his violin, and leaned against the wall for a while, tuning the strings and making it known to the public that he was going to play soon. Erwin took it upon himself to ‘start’ the crowd, walking over to where Levi was standing, and waiting there with his arms crossed. 

Levi played with as much vigour as always. The crowd was somewhat smaller than usual, but regardless, the violinist still gave it his all. The applause was still thunderous, and Levi made a fair amount of money. For some reason, Erwin felt a little pleased. 

It brought his mind back to the words Levi had said just days before – that his music was more than good. Levi had said that he would make Erwin believe it, but Erwin felt like he already did. Levi’s playing was nothing short of beautiful, but Levi still acted like that was not enough.

“Are you free?” Levi asked him suddenly when they were alone, and Erwin shook his head. 

“Not right now,” he said, “I have a lunch break soon, though. Why?” he asked.

“Lunch, of course,” Levi said matter-of-factly, slinging his violin over his shoulder. “But I can wait,” he added, looking around. “Do you have to walk around, or do you just stay in one spot?” 

“I have to walk around my area, of course. That being said, how did you manage to find me out of every street in Paris?” he asked.

Levi shrugged, “I’ve been standing on this street corner a lot longer than you have,” he said, raising his eyebrows. “Plus, you still stand out like a sore thumb. It’s the uniform.” It wasn’t really an answer to his question, but it was an answer expected of Levi.

Erwin scoffed. “I can’t do anything about that,” he said, tugging on his collar, suddenly self-conscious. “I have to wear it. Do you think I would, if I had the choice?” 

“If I had the choice,” Levi said, and finished the rest of his sentence too quietly for Erwin to hear. 

“What was that?” he asked.

Levi looked up at Erwin for a few seconds, before opening his mouth and finishing the sentence in French. Erwin stared at him for a few seconds, confused, before Levi threw his head back in laughter. “Your face right now, it’s priceless.”

Rolling his eyes, Erwin turned away. “Whatever, I have to get to work,” he said. The phrase had become a sort of joke between the two of them, both well aware that this was already the full extent of his ‘work’. 

“I’ll wait here for you, then. Make your round be back here when your break starts,” Levi said, leaning against a brick wall. The way he said it was commanding, but Erwin found it amusing that he had the nerve to talk to him in that way. 

“Are you just going to stand there for half an hour, then?” he asked, and Levi shrugged.

“I’ll survive,” he said. “Hurry up, soldier boy. People need saving,” he said, and from his bag, he pulled out a small notebook and a pen. He wasn’t kidding when he said he would survive, Erwin noted. 

Levi didn’t appear to hold any more interest for Erwin, so Erwin took that opportunity to slip away and walk back to where he had started that morning. The good side to being completely un-busy meant that he had plenty of time to think about things (many of which, he’d only been able to think of as of recent events. Like Levi.).

Was it only Erwin who felt slightly uncomfortable throughout their short but completely un-sweet exchange? Levi was much the same as usual – upfront and a little crude, but that was just the way he was. He seemed to have absolutely no regard to anything he’d said that night a few days prior, but perhaps Erwin had read too much into their situation. He grimaced slightly. Levi was extremely hard to read. 

Eventually Erwin’s break rolled around, and Erwin returned to the place he’d left Levi at. The man was still leaning against the wall, pen in his hand and he was looking at his notebook with an expression of distaste. 

“What are you up to?” Erwin asked him, and Levi jumped a little, startled.

He swore in French, before realizing it was Erwin. “When did you – what are – are you finished?” he asked finally. Erwin watched as he snapped his book shut and shoved it into his pants pocket. The pen disappeared too, but Erwin was curious nonetheless.

“What was that?” he asked again, and Levi scowled at him.

“None of your business,” he said simply. Erwin assumed that he must have been writing in a diary, or something similar that would result in such a hostile, defensive response. 

He laughed a bit, “Ok, sure then. Anyway, what did you want?” he asked him, and Levi looked at him oddly.

“Lunch,” he said. “I’m craving spaghetti.”

Erwin stared at Levi. “You waited half an hour for me, standing in the middle of a street, just so you could drag me to go eat pasta?”

“Shut up. It’s good pasta,” he said. “Come on.”

And that’s how Erwin found himself in a tiny little restaurant with Levi, eating pasta that actually was really good. However, he still couldn’t quite wrap his head around the situation. It seemed too unreal, and completely uncalled for.

“Levi,” Erwin said sternly. He’d finished his pasta, and Levi was almost done with his. “Why did you really ask me to come here?”

“What do mean?” Levi asked. He wiped his mouth with his napkin.

“Don’t lie to me again about spaghetti,” Erwin added. “Do you maybe have something you want to say to me?” he asked.

Levi leaned back in his chair and studied Erwin for a moment. “Okay, maybe you’re better than I thought,” he said. Erwin frowned at him. It seemed that Levi lacked tact for thoughts that were best kept to himself. “Look, I still owe you for the ridiculous amount of money you paid me last time,” he said, looking away.

“That again?” Erwin sighed, and pressed his thumb and index fingers to his forehead. “If that’s what’s bugging you, just pay for this lunch. That’d cover it, right?” 

“Not really,” Levi said. 

Erwin rolled his eyes. “Keep a little, then. And your playing was worth it, anyway.”

“Is my playing that bad that you’re willing to pay me that much so you never have to hear it again?” 

They fall into a brief silence. Erwin takes a moment to process what it was Levi had said. Then, “W-Wh—“

“It’s as I thought, huh. I guess I’m-“

“N-No! Of course not!” Erwin said, raising his voice. Eyes fell on him, and he clamped his mouth shut, shrinking himself down slightly. “No I just – you don’t owe me anything, just-“

Levi burst into laughter, clutching at the table. “I’m just fucking with you. I know what you want.” He looked at Erwin with nothing but amusement on his face. “Obviously you don’t, though. God, you’re so stupid,” he said. 

“I- I don’t…what?” Erwin was utterly confused. 

“Remember that bridge? Where I met you?” The way he said it was slightly embarrassing, but he probably didn’t realize it. Erwin nodded. “Meet me there. Tonight.”

“Why?” Erwin asked, and Levi scowled.

“Do I need a reason?” he asked. “God, why does there have to be a reason for everything for you. Maybe I want to rob your house, or maybe I want to play you a song,” he said. Erwin continued to look at him with that confused expression, and Levi sighed. Looking down into his lap, he mumbled quietly, “I just don’t have anyone to talk to, okay? And you’re just more interesting than most people out in these parts.”

Levi refused to meet Erwin’s eyes, but Erwin was almost laughing in amusement. His fingers were in his hair. And he was staring at Levi in bewilderment. “God,” he said, “I really, really did not pin you as the type of person that would-“

“Shut up, you shit!” Levi said, turning his head as far away from Erwin’s direction as possible. “I have to go. Don’t have time to be wasting here,” he said, and he dug out his wallet from his bag. Pulling out the right amount of money, he left it on the table for the server to collect. “Don’t make me wait for you,” he said just loud enough for Erwin to hear as he made his way out.


	5. Chapter 5

Their meetings at the bridge became a nightly affair. Every day, Erwin would leave his apartment at 7:30pm and sit waiting for Levi, who would arrive anywhere between ten and thirty minutes later. At first, Levi was adamant on playing for him, and Erwin had run out of songs from his (small) list in just a few days, even after asking his friends for suggestions. 

“I can tell you’re not really a musical person, huh,” Levi said, wrinkling his nose after Erwin admitted to not knowing anything other songs for him to play.

“Not really,” Erwin said. “I went to piano lessons for about a month when I was eight,” he said. “The teacher told my mother I was hopeless, and I never went again.”

Levi chuckled. “I’m sure you were absolutely horrid. I’ll pick, then,” he said, and turned his eyes to his violin. He thought for a moment – a very short moment, too, before swinging his instrument to his shoulder and beginning to play. 

Even if he didn’t know the names, Erwin had heard all the songs before.

“You’re not that bad, then,” said Levi after Erwin had nodded his head at one of the songs. “You’re not completely musically ignorant.”

He shrugged. “Anyone would know these songs, really.”

Levi just turned away and flicked through his music sheets. “That’s not true,” he said. “Most people don’t know any of the songs I play.”

Erwin didn’t reply, but simply sat back and looked at the sky. “You’re a nice person, Levi. Did you know that?”

There was silence, before Levi turned uncomfortably. “What are you talking about?” he asked.

“You make yourself seem really hostile, but on the inside you’re not like that at all.” 

It was true – at first glance, Levi was a little hard on the eyes. He’d glare at everyone, his eyebrows dipped low and lips in a tight line. He spoke with a snappy tone to his voice and was terribly sarcastic. However, in some odd way, Levi was able to still get his friendly side across. Maybe it was a little deeper than most people’s, but it was there nonetheless. 

“W-What the hell are you talking about, idiot,” Levi grumbled. He turned his eyes away from Erwin.

Erwin chuckled. “You’re still pretty young. Why don’t you look for other work? I’m sure you could easily get a stable job. Not that being a musician is bad,” he added quickly, ‘but wouldn’t having a more stable income give you a bit of relief?”

Levi pondered this for a moment. “Maybe,” he said. “I’ve thought about it before, too. But playing music is the only thing I know how to do. My grandfather was a musician himself, and my parents were violin makers. I’ve never been good at anything else.”

“Really?” Erwin asked. “Because to me, you come across as someone who knows so much more than that. I’m sure if you put your mind to it, you could do practically anything.”

Levi laughed. “Stop it. Words like that don’t mean much to me,” he said. It was almost sad, in the way he said it. 

“I’m not just flattering you,” Erwin said, his voice suddenly serious. “Maybe I haven’t known you for a long time, but you’re so much more than you think you are.”

Neither of them spoke for a while, and Erwin could feel the atmosphere tensing up. Maybe he’d reached a sore spot of Levi’s. He clenched his fingers and held his breath.

“You think?” Levi said finally. “I’ll think about it, then,” he finished. “I’m a bit tired tonight, so I’ll see you tomorrow.” He sat up, pulled his violin over his shoulder, and walked off in the opposite direction.

\---

That night, Erwin couldn’t sleep. 

His thoughts were filled with dark hair and pale skin, and when he dipped his fingers below his waistband of his pants, his thoughts only grew more vivid. He thought about the way Levi’s lips moved when he talked, how it was different to his own, and the slight accent he held while pronouncing certain words. Those pretty, thin lips that would look amazing stretched around his cock. 

He imagined that Levi’s fingers, so long and thin while playing the strings, were touching him instead of his own. They held skill and precision, and Erwin felt himself gasp as he thought of Levi’s smug expression the whole time. The way he’d look up at him through lidded eyes and use that cruel expression of his would push him over the edge, and Erwin let out a long groan as he came into his hand, his breathing hard and legs spread. 

Erwin lay on his bed for a few moments, before closing his eyes. “Shit,” he said, getting up to find a towel to clean himself off with. 

He was so, so fucked. 

\---

“You’re spacing,” commented Mike, who was staring intently at Erwin’s face. Erwin looked up in surprise, blinking a few times.

“Was I?” he asked, shifting his position on his chair. They were eating lunch in the hall, the noise of hundreds of soldiers filling the air in a sea of murmurs.

“Yeah, totally. What are you thinking about?” he asked him.

Erwin shook his head, “No, nothing really. Just uh, thinking about home,” he said quickly, turning his gaze back to his plate. He pushed his peas around the plate with his fork, the mush of green completely unappetizing. 

“And right you should be, Smith!” 

A hand came down on Erwin’s shoulder, making him jump in surprise. He and Mike both turned their heads in surprise, before straightening themselves and lowering their eyes.

“A lil bit homesick, are ya?” Pixis asked him, nudging him with his elbow. Erwin laughed nervously, and nodded his head vigorously.

“Yeah, I uh, haven’t seen my dog for a while,” he said.

Pixis gave out a hearty laugh. “Don’t need to hide it from me. Missing your girl? Don’t even sweat it. I’m impressed with you, Erwin,” he said, tightening his fingers around Erwin’s shoulder. “Doing your job all right, I reckon I could get you some leeway for your little uh,” Commander Pixis’s eyes darted towards Mike for a split second, before turning back to Erwin. “Venture, eh?” He had a knowing smile on his lips, and Erwin felt himself heat up in embarrassment. 

Coughing, Erwin quickly changed the subject. “Are you saying that-“

“Yeah, I think I can get you home a little early. Next month, even,” Pixis said, nodding his head. 

“What about me, sir?” Mike asked. 

Pixis glanced at Mike for all of three seconds before shaking his head. “Sorry son, you have a bit more work cut out for you. If you work as hard as Erwin here, though, I’ll give it some thought.”

“Wait, next month? Seriously?” Erwin was stated to have at least six months more service, so he could hardly believe what he was hearing.

Drinking from his canister, Pixis couldn’t reply, but nodded his head in reply. “Ah,” he said, swallowing his drink. “Yup. I’ll give ‘em a lie or two, maybe, but hey, I think you really deserve it. You’re one of our best, so why keep you here?” he asked. “And I’m sure your girl misses you, eh? I would, if I was her.”

Erwin wasn’t sure whether to feel happy, flattered or somewhat uncomfortable. “Oh, well…” he was at a loss at what to say. “Thanks. Really,” he said, looking up at the Commander with a smile. 

Pixis let out another laugh, “Don’t worry about it, boy,” he said, giving Erwin a slap to the shoulder before heading off to talk to some other soldiers. 

“Lucky,” Mike said, raising his hand to his chin and resting it there. 

Erwin smiled at him, “Don’t worry. They can’t keep you here forever,” he said.

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Mike asked incredulously. “The great Erwin Smith can do everything but make a person feel better,” he said, scoffing. 

“Whatever. I’m going to finish up the rest of my work. I have the afternoon free,” Erwin said, stacking his plate on top of Mike’s. “I’ll see you tomorrow, or something,” he called out, picking up his coat from the chair he was sitting on and heading out the door. 

“Hey!” Mike called after him, “Are you making me clean up after you?”

\---

“You look like there’s something on your mind,” Levi said that night. They weren’t by the bridge this time, with Levi instead asking him to sit with him on a bench by the river Seine. 

“Huh? Do I?” Erwin asked, sitting up straight. 

“Yeah. Like… you keep staring off into nothing. I’m pretty sure you didn’t catch a word of what I said before either, huh?”

Caught out, Erwin smiled nervously. He scratched the back of his head, “I guess I’m just missing home. My dog’s probably forgotten who I am.” He faked nonchalance to his voice, although he was slightly unsure as to how well he did. 

However, Levi didn’t notice – or if he did, he chose to not press the issue further.

“Must be tough living here, huh? Your French is still pretty shit, too.”

Erwin let out a real laugh. “It’s not that bad, not anymore. It’s gotten better,” he added, and he looked to the side and let his eyes meet with Levi. 

“You mean your French?” Levi asked. “Because-“

“No, I mean France itself,” Erwin clarified. Levi let out an ‘oh’ as he understood, and turned back to face the river. “You definitely make my days a little more enjoyable, too,” Erwin said after a moment. 

Levi scoffed at the somewhat-compliment. “Who the hell do you think you are, Mr. Smooth?” he asked, rolling his eyes.

“Actually, it’s Smith,” Erwin said, unable to help himself. Levi punched him on the arm. 

“Shut up. That was bad.”

Erwin chuckled, “Alright, sorry. But I’m serious, you know,” he said. Levi smiled a little, but in the darkness Erwin didn’t catch it. He wouldn’t have, anyway. Erwin was staring out onto the bank, his thoughts running a mile a minute.

He wanted to tell Levi what the Commander had told him. That he was being stationed back home, back in the US, that he’d be leaving France in just under a month. That they’d probably never see each other again. He’d been thinking of the words to say the whole day, ignoring his work in favour of constructing sentences or finding subtle ways of dropping hints about what was to come. But yet, he still couldn’t think of a proper way – there probably was no such thing, as a proper way. But still. 

“You sure you’re okay?” Levi asked him again. His voice was quieter this time, and he looked at Erwin with a face of real concern.

Erwin wanted to just tell him everything, to let it all out and have Levi know everything. But just as he opened his mouth to start, Levi spoke.

“I mean, I feel like I’m always talking too much. You hear too much about me, and I don’t hear enough about you.” He smiled. “I kind of like it, though. I haven’t been able to talk to anyone like this, not for a long time.”

And in that moment, Erwin knew that he couldn’t tell him. 

That there was no way, no way in hell, that he’d be able to tell Levi a thing.


	6. Chapter 6

Erwin went an astonishing two weeks without telling Levi what was up. 

He was actually rather impressed with himself, for several different reasons.

The first of these was Levi. Erwin was surprised that he could keep up a face of nonchalance to someone as perceptive (and stubborn) as Levi. Of course, Levi did notice from time to time that his mind was elsewhere, but Erwin would always brush it off easily. 

Erwin had always been able to lie pretty well, a habit he’d picked up early in military training. It was a really bad habit, but he was thankful for it in more ways than one.

The second of these was himself. Erwin had always considered himself a pretty brave man, signing himself up for the military as soon as they called out for recruits, despite his parent’s worried faces and the threat of war around them. He wasn’t really one to praise himself often, but he let himself take pride in his strong sense of duty and ability to face his problems headfirst. 

Except now, he was a fucking coward. 

What happened to the brilliant American soldier who would often skip on his duties to have a fun time? Only a few months earlier, Erwin wouldn’t have given a damn about what would happen to him. He had just been in a war, where each day could have been his last. He didn’t have time to think of slim possibilities or branched futures. If he didn’t take his opportunities when they came, they may never come around again. 

Yet, here he was, putting off something so stupidly simple for two whole weeks. But every time he considered telling Levi, his mind would fill with the possible repercussions, many extremely unlikely (such as Levi killing him), but he thought of them nonetheless. His throat would run dry, and his palms would seize up, before running off again with his tail between his legs. 

Time was on his heels, though. Every day, Erwin would promise the next would be the one where he’d tell Levi he was going. He didn’t want to be that kind of person, the one who left it until last and be remembered with nothing but scathing anger and loathed memories. But at the same time, Erwin didn’t want to be there to see Levi’s face when he told him the news. Every single time, his mind would tell him those stupid, stupid words Levi had told him, and he’d be back to square one. 

He’d think of the way Levi had tried to open up to him, by sharing his past and making such an effort to be around him – and knowing what Levi was like, that was no small achievement. Levi finally had trust in another person, and Erwin was about to take it away from him, in front of his very own eyes. 

“You don’t look so good,” Mike said. 

Erwin looked up from his desk to find Mike at his door, a bottle of water in his hands. He held it out to Erwin in offer, and the soldier took it gratefully. 

“What do you mean?” he asked him, and Mike hummed.

“You’ve been looking kind of pale for a few days now,” he said. “And you have eye bags.” He paused. “Wow. Erwin Smith has eye bags. You know, actually, you kind of look like shit. I wish I had a camera,” he whined. “The almighty model soldier, Erwin Smith, looks like he’s just been brought back to life after being dead for a we-“

“Shut up,” Erwin grumbled, pulling a piece of paper to cover his face. “I haven’t been sleeping well, is all.”

Mike nodded knowingly, “I know the feeling. Excited to go home, man I’m so jealous. You know, if you want, we could totally swap identities for a while. You can stay here, and I’ll go back. That way, you don’t have to deal with your nerves. Doesn’t that sound good?” he asked. 

It was obviously a joke, but to be frank, the idea sounded nice to Erwin. “Yeah, I wish,” he said quietly, and Mike tilted his head.

“Did you just… agree?” he asked. His eyes widened, and he laughed. “Wow, you’re growing a sense of humour, Erwin,” he said. He folded his arms over his chest and sighed. “Shame you had to suddenly become a more fun person when you’re about to leave me here all-“

“Mike,” Erwin said sharply, and the other man stopped. “Please, just get out. I’m in a bad mood, if you don’t mind.”

Mike stood in silence, his eyes watching Erwin carefully. He straightened his back, and cleared his throat. “Right,” he said, clenching his teeth awkwardly. “I- Yeah. I’ll catch you, then,” he said, and ducked off before Erwin could respond. 

Burrowing his head in his hands, Erwin let out a growl of frustration. 

If this carried on for any longer, he was going to go insane.

\---

Levi, on the other hand, was remarkably normal. 

It was a sunny afternoon, and unusually warm for September. Erwin was doing patrolling rounds as per usual, except that this time, Levi was accompanying him. Up until today, Levi had opted to wait until Erwin had finished his rounds before dragging him off to some odd little place in Paris (not that Erwin particularly minded, but work was work). However today, Levi had insisted that he was simply too bored of waiting around for Erwin, and that he would follow him around, regardless of whether Erwin wanted him around or not. 

In the light of the moment, however, it was pretty easy for Erwin to forget that these simple walks along roads with Levi were limited in number.

“Actually, when I did go to school, they told my parents I was gifted,” Levi told Erwin. His expression was pretty smug, his eyebrows upturned and lips curled into a slight smile.

“Gifted in what? Maths?” Erwin asked. 

Levi hummed. “My teacher liked to give us these logic puzzles when we have free time. She said that they were more practical for the real world because they taught us how to think outside what you see at a glance. But to me, they were extremely easy. I’d finish them in half the time it’d take the other kids.” 

He was bragging, really, but Erwin didn’t really mind. It wasn’t really too often that Levi spoke of himself in such a light manner, except when talking about his music. 

“Well sadly,” Erwin said, “those skills must have deteriorated as you grew older.”

It took a while, but when Levi got the joke, he punched Erwin in the arm. “Dickhead,” he said, pouting and folding his arms. Erwin just laughed.

“Of course, I’m joking,” he said. “You should be proud of the things people say about you. Just because they were said a long time ago doesn’t make them any less true, right?” 

Levi thought for a moment, “I suppose that’s true.” They were silent for a few minutes, and the two of them stood idly on the street corner of an intersection. “Say, Erwin,” Levi said suddenly, and Erwin turned to look at him. “You’ve been looking like there’s something on your mind recently,” he said. “I thought maybe it was something really personal, so I didn’t want to pry, but…” he stopped for a moment and just watched Erwin carefully. “I haven’t really seen you smile properly.” 

It was an invitation to talk, and Erwin knew it. Of course Erwin would only forget about his problem with Levi when he was with Levi himself. Of course he could only be distracted by the problem itself. And of course he’d have to be pushed by the guy for anything to be done about it, because he was a fucking coward. But now he was pushed into a corner, and it would be just stupid to try and avoid it any longer.

Erwin bit his lip. “Um, actually, about that, I was-“ he stuttered, before shaking his head. “Yeah, look, I’m sorry tha-“

“Oh, Smith!” interrupted a voice, and Erwin turned immediately to find himself face-to-face with Commander Pixis. 

“Oh, Commander Pixis!” he said, putting on his brightest smile and standing up straight. He raised his hand to salute, but the Commander interrupted him.

“Now now, no need for the formalities. I’m off-duty right now,” he said with a wink, and Erwin saw that indeed, he was not wearing his uniform, but rather normal street clothes. Erwin hadn’t seen the Commander wearing such a normal tailored suit and tie before, and he was nearly unrecognizable. “Enjoying your afternoon?” he asked, and Erwin nodded.

The Commander didn’t appear to have noticed Levi, who had shuffled backwards until he was resting against a brick wall of a nearby building, watching the two converse. They chatted for a while, before the Commander exclaimed suddenly, “Oh that’s right, you’re leaving in ten more days, aren’t you?” he said, and Erwin froze.

Levi was only a few metres away from him, and the Commander was by no means quiet. “Um, y-yeah. Eleven, actually,” he said hastily. He didn’t dare turn his head to see if Levi was listening. 

“Aren’t you excited, my boy?” Pixis asked. “Where are you going first? Are you hitting the city? Or are you going to go right home? Got a girlfriend waiting, perhaps?”

Erwin let out a strained laugh, “I’ve told you before, I don’t have a girlfriend,” he said lightly, although he was, really, tired of repeating himself. Actually, he was just on edge because Levi was practically within earshot of their conversation, a conversation he wished was dead.

Pixis bellowed. “Ah yes, that what I told my folks too all the time. Never mind that, though,” he said. “I’m sure you just can’t wait to get back. I’m sure if I went over to your apartment right now, there wouldn’t be a thing in sight! Everything all packed up in boxes, ready for the get-go?” 

Another awkward laugh, “Haha, yes, of course,” Erwin replied stiffly. 

“Anyway, I ought to get going now. Have a good rest of the day, soldier,” he said, before nodding his head and walking down the path once more.

For a moment, Erwin stared after him, before closing his eyes and turning to Levi. “Levi, I’m really sorry-“ he began. 

But when he opened his eyes, Levi was nowhere to be found.


	7. Chapter 7

Erwin found himself treading through every street he’d ever had the pleasure of walking through in Paris, except this time he wasn’t able to take in the beautiful scenery. 

He was looking for Levi – but at every street corner that he turned, and every glance he looked away, the short-statured dark haired man was nowhere to be found.

At one point he’d even gone up to a shopkeeper of a flower store they frequently passed by, asking if he’d seen the elusive musician recently, but the answer of course was no.

The weather took a turn for the worse, a sharp northern wind passing through that chilled him to the bone, and he decided to head on back home with his scarf raised above his mouth to block the cold. 

He couldn’t imagine how Levi must have felt, having to learn indirectly of such a thing because of Erwin’s cowardice, but he no doubt felt responsible for it. He didn’t hate Levi for walking away – was that not a normal response? Yes, it was, and Erwin deserved to feel as huge an idiot as he did right then. 

But he wasn’t going to leave France without settling this at least. He couldn’t leave Levi thinking that he’d been nothing more than something to pass the time, because Erwin had meant everything he’d said about him in the past. 

And so that night, Erwin waited at the bridge for Levi, the same way he had for so many nights prior. 

Except that tonight, Levi wasn’t coming.

Erwin got there early, at 6:45PM and waited until it was almost 10. His ass was numb from sitting on the pavement, and his legs felt like they were going to give out underneath him. The wind was bitingly cold and he hadn’t been able to feel his fingers for some time now, but still, Erwin waited. 

It was still bitterly cold, and the night seemed to only get moreso as time went on. And, just like every single book and film he’d ever indulged himself in, it began to rain. At first it was just in light sheets, enough to make him wet but not enough to get him drenched. Just enough to be annoying and force him to get back home. 

Levi wasn’t coming, and it took him over three hours to get that through his head. 

As soon as Erwin got through the door of his place, he threw off his jacket and hung it up by the window. It was starting to smell damp and wet, so he opened the window despite the cold to hopefully get rid of the smell while it dried. 

He was a bit hungry, but his place held no food. That sort of thing as of recent had been left to the discretion of Levi, who would more often than not take him out to the various places around Paris he thought fit to feed the two of them. 

He too, felt alone. It had been less than a day without that damned man’s company, and already he felt like a dog abandoned by its owner. It was ridiculous, how much Erwin actually craved for Levi’s presence.

And to think, Erwin was unsure how Levi would feel with the solider gone. 

Rather, it was him who was going to suffer without the Frenchman’s company, and it had taken something as confronting as this to realize.

Sitting on his bed, Erwin sunk his forehead into his palms, confused about what to do. The thought of making his way to Levi’s small house crossed his mind for the fiftieth time, but it was again knocked away by his common sense. Where Levi lived was a rabbit warren of streets and alleyways in which he’d surely be lost in. 

Levi made his way to the streets of the city to perform a few times a week, often multiple times a day, but Erwin knew that he could easily find somewhere else to go to make his keep. He simply had chosen to go where Erwin had been stationed.

Where, really, would Erwin be, had he not met Levi?

His thought was interrupted by the sound of his door slamming open, the door itself flying back so far it hit the side of the wall. 

Erwin jumped off his bed immediately, his hand flying to the pistol at his waist and holding it front of him instinctively. His index finger was looped through the trigger, ready.

“Holy shit! Erwin! Fuck!” Levi yelled, jumping back immediately. His hands flew into the air, and his eyes were wide with shock.

“L-Levi?” came Erwin’s incredulous voice, and he lowered his gun. He blinked a few times, unsure as to whether he was imagining it, but the image before him didn’t disappear. It was, in fact, Levi, standing in front of him. “Jesus, wha- how did you get my address?” was the first thing to come to his mind. 

“What, thought you’d never have to deal with my whinging shit ever again?” he asked him. “Not hard to ask for directions around here, you know. Maybe for you, ‘cos you don’t speak French, but you’re really the only damned soldier around, you know.” He sniffed. Levi’s eyes were slightly puffy, and his cheeks were red. It was obvious that he’d been crying, the skin around his eyes irritated and raw from excessive rubbing, but Levi turned his face away from Erwin’s after a few seconds of eye contact.

A lump rose in Erwin’s throat, and he couldn’t find any words. From behind him, Levi pulled out his violin case, and began unzipping it with a sense of urgency he’d never before seen. 

“Shut up, sit down, and listen. Don’t say a fucking word, or I’ll punch you so hard that you’ll have to be flown out of France in a fucking coffin.” He almost snarled with each world, and Erwin felt his skin prick with actual fear. 

Was Levi going to play a song for him? Erwin felt confused, but even more than that, guilty. Levi was in a state he’d never seen him before, his movements hasty and voice uneven. His hair was unkempt and his clothing crooked, but overall he looked incredibly tired. 

Before, Erwin had been caught up in the guilt of not telling Levi something so incredibly important. But now, seeing Levi like this, that feeling had been increased tenfold. But yet, he couldn’t find any words to express how he was feeling, and he was reduced to simply folding himself onto his bed, leaning against the wall and watching in silence as Levi took his stance and began to play.

The sound was different than usual. Normally, Levi played with vigor and a feeling of passion, but this time it was different, and even Erwin could tell. It wasn’t that that sense of professionalism was gone – no, not at all, but rather they had been magnified, and so much more intense than before. 

Then, after a tune that seemed too short, he stopped. His bow fell limp by his side, and his violin to the other. Levi stared at Erwin expectantly, his weight shifting to one side and gaze hard. 

“That…” Erwin stopped himself, and forced himself to swallow. He turned his head to look up at Levi, “that was incredible.”

Levi let out a laugh, almost bitter sounding. “Was it?”

Erwin nodded, “It really was. But it sounded like you stopped halfway, or something.”

“Stopped halfway… you’re pretty smart, you know. Not bad at all, considering you’ve never played a lick.” Levi smiled, a small, wicked smile that ignited his eyes into a menacing glare. “I’m glad you liked it,” he said, voice low. “Because that’s all you’re ever going to hear of it. And do you want to know why?” he asked. His tone was a mix of bitterness and amusement. “Because that’s all that’s been written. And that’s all that will ever be written, Erwin Smith.”

Erwin frowned, “I don’t quite get you,” he said.

“That song? It’s mine. I fucking wrote it, Erwin, I’m fucking writing it for you.”

It took a few seconds for Erwin to process the meaning of that sentence. 

“I’m writing you a god damned song! I thought I’d reach out to you in the only way I know how, but a good fucking job that did. What’s the point of doing all this if you’re just going to leave? Come next week and I’ll never see you ever again, so what’s the fucking point of all of this?” What the fuck am I doing with my time?”

A tear escaped down Levi’s cheek, but he was quick to brush it away with his hand. “Fuck you, Erwin Smith. Fuck you for coming here and being so fucking mesmerizing, so fucking perfect. You can’t just do that, you can’t come into people’s lives like that and just leave when you think it’s convenient. I’m a person too!”

“Levi-“

“That day I met you, where you told me to play Meditation? That’s the day I fell in love you. The stupid, smitten kind that gets hearts broken. It was my dad’s favourite song – he’d play it every damned every night. I know it like I do my own name; it’s a part of who I am. But never, never in three fucking years, had a single person asked me to play it. 

Then came you, Erwin Smith, in your fucking American soldier uniform with that fucking song and sickeningly perfect smile. You were my parents and Hanji put together like some kind of messed up, glorious demon of my past. You were nice to me, and you talked to me. And maybe it was just me being obsessed with you, but it seemed like you fucking cared.” 

His voiced cracked slightly, and he looked up to meet Erwin in the eyes. “That’s why I brought you to see Hanji. I’ve never brought anyone there, not a soul. Nobody is worth enough to see someone like her. But you,” Levi stared up at Erwin. “You, you’re something else. Fuck,” he swore. “Fuck.”

Erwin was rendered speechless. He hadn’t anticipated Levi to say anything of the sort, and he felt like his brain was moving at a million miles an hour just trying to comprehend what exactly he was saying, and his mouth couldn’t possibly keep up.

Instead, Erwin reached out to Levi’s shirt by the fist, and pulled the smaller man towards him. For the slightest of moments, Erwin scanned Levi’s face looking for his refusal, and asking for permission. Levi’s expression didn’t change, but something in his eyes told Erwin that he could definitely go on.

Erwin kissed him so fiercely that only someone as hot-headed and stubborn as Levi would stand a change at fighting back. In a split second, Levi had climbed onto Erwin’s lap and his legs snaked around his waist, settling there comfortably. 

Levi’s weight was decidedly light, not unlike a woman’s but a little sharper. Erwin knew, though, that despite Levi perhaps feeling like a girl, he wasn’t to treat him like one.

“What are you doing?” Erwin asked, leaning back so that he could look up at Levi. For a second, his heart hammered in his chest, that maybe he’d made a mistake and that this wasn’t what Levi wanted. “Something on your mind?”

But Levi only chuckled and licked his lips before leaning forward to kiss Erwin once more, who immediately began to kiss him back.

Then, Levi slid his tongue into Erwin’s mouth, and Erwin knew that they were going to have a problem. He groaned a little, feeling his pants tighten up considerably. If he wasn’t thinking of getting naked before, he definitely was now. And Levi be damned if he wasn’t on planning on it at that moment too.

It was pretty easy to tell, though, what the younger man was thinking. It wasn’t helping Erwin’s incessantly growing boner that Levi was starting to grind his hips, slow and subtle to the point that it got Erwin excited, but with hardly enough friction to be called pleasurable. 

Erwin gasped loudly as Levi began to move faster that before and with a considerably larger amount of effort. Erwin couldn’t find it in himself to withhold a snide remark. “Impatient, are we?” he asked. 

Levi snorted, and made an obvious effort to slide himself right over Erwin’s cock. “Speak for yourself,” he said lowly, before leaning forward and burying his head into the crook of Erwin’s shoulder.

It was an affectionate gesture, and Erwin found it almost touching. However, this was Levi, and Erwin was foolish to believe that an action like this would hold no future meanings. As if on cue, Levi bit down onto Erwin’s shoulder, right near his clavicle. Erwin gasped and shot backwards slightly, and Levi snorted.

“What the- what are you doing?” Erwin asked, eyes wide.

Levi didn’t reply, and only continued to clamp down his teeth over one spot, sucking it hard until a red mark bloomed across his skin’s surface. Erwin repeated his question, but Levi continued to ignore him. Erwin gasped as Levi bit down again, harder than he had earlier, before laving over it with his tongue soothingly. 

“Levi,” Erwin said, and this time, Levi stopped. His voice had been a growl, and had an authoritative tone to it. Levi suspected that it was the kind of voice he used only on subordinates, and he felt compelled to listen. Like a child that had been caught out, Levi stopped what he was doing and leaned back to stare at Erwin. 

He sighed, “You can’t just… bite me all over the place. I have to go to work tomorrow. I can’t cover my entire neck, and the kinds of questions that get asked about these things aren’t quite pleas-“

“Erwin,” Levi interrupted. Erwin stopped, and Levi leaned up so that his mouth was close to Erwin’s ear. “Erwin, I want you.”

Erwin made a noise of confusion, and Levi chuckled.

“I want you to fuck me.”

At once, Erwin’s mouth went dry. How the hell was he supposed to reply to that?

“Please,” Levi said, and his voice wavered so slightly that Erwin didn’t even pick it up. They were silent for a moment, and Erwin swallowed, before nodding slightly. 

“Okay.”

Erwin saw zero reason to lie when it came to sex. For what reason should he feign experience whatsoever? There would be nothing good to come out of it, in the long run. So when he confessed to Levi that he had no idea what he was supposed to do, Levi just snorted.

“Truth be told,” he said, inspecting the few closets and drawers scattered throughout Erwin’s house. “I wasn’t expecting you to know anything. But that’s okay,” he said, and ended the statement there. Erwin was left to his imagination to decide on how Levi knew what to do. 

Sex with a girl was already something Erwin had near to no experience with. But sex with a guy? That was practically out of the picture. Not once in Erwin’s entire life – of course, before he’d met Levi - had he considered the thought. He could count on one hand the amount of times he’d even heard of the prospect, and that wasn’t just because he was in the army. 

Clearly the experience wasn’t mutual for Levi, who, after foraging around Erwin’s kitchenette for a while, came back with a small glass bottle. He unscrewed the lid and set it on the bedside table, before pouring the contents over his hands.

Immediately, a sweet smell wafted towards Erwin’s nose, and he wrinkled it instinctively. “Perfume?” he asked, breathing through his mouth. The smell was quite powerful and was reminiscent of a large bouquet of flowers.

Levi rolled his eyes, “The bottle says its scented oil. At least, I hope it is,” he said with a shrug, before kneeling on the bed (which was, admittedly small for the two of them) and reaching behind himself. Erwin glanced at the bottle, but the label was in French, so he figured he’d be believing Levi on this one. After all, the guy seemed to know what he was doing, right?

Although Levi’s actions were largely obscured, it didn’t take a genius to figure out what he was doing. Erwin was not oblivious, and he watched Levi intently, licking his lips as the younger man prepared himself. “That’s got to be at least a little bit uncomfortable,” he murmured.

Levi let out a gasp, and he closed his eyes. “It can’t be a walk in the park all the time, but I have to admit that this is already better than most.”

Erwin was silent for a few seconds, furrowing his brow. “What do you mean?” he asked, and Levi smirked.

In a few short minutes, Levi gave Erwin the lay down on what exactly they were going to do. Erwin’s face was nothing short of entertaining to Levi as he gave in-depth explanations, but he didn’t fail to see that it was definitely turning the blond man on at the same time.

“I can see you licking your lips, you nasty fuck,” Levi said, leaning forward to Erwin. He placed his hands on the soldier’s thighs, and craned his neck up to meet with Erwin’s. For a moment, they looked at each other, and Levi pressed their lips together. It was a distraction, Erwin figured, because right after that came Levi’s hand, slick with oil over his cock and stroking it back to hardness. 

“Erwin,” Levi said suddenly, after pulling. He wasn’t moving anymore, and he was staring the older man straight in the eyes, expression hard.

Erwin cocked his head to the side in confusion, and Levi carried on. “Are you sure you’re ok with this?” he said, softer than he’d been talking before.

He swallowed, but smiled at the same time. “Of course, Levi,” he said, “do oyu think I would have let you take my clothes off if I wasn’t already one-hundred percent serious about this?” 

“Serious about what, though?” Levi asked, and Erwin thought for a moment.

Erwin had pulled Levi into a kiss just as the younger man had been in the midst of yelling at him, a gesture of warmth. Levi, on the other hand, had taken to it more aggressively than Erwin had, and the resulting effort had led them to where they were now. So was this, too, just that gesture of warmth?

No, Erwin thought, it wasn’t. It was something different, and it had taken him too much to realize it. 

“I’m serious about you, Levi,” he said, and Levi’s breath hitched. “I-I think I’m in love with you.” Was he embarrassed? Like fuck. But he had opened his mouth before, and if he stops now, he’s never going to get another word in edgeways. He had to take the opportunity while Levi looked more confused than he was.

“You’re amazing, Levi, and I wish I’d met you sooner.” His heart suddenly ached with the knowledge that he’d be leaving in a few days. “I want you to come with me.”

Levi sucked on his bottom lip, “You know that’s impossible,” he said. Of course he knew, even standing where he was authority-wise, he wouldn’t be able to get someone – much less another man, back to the States with him. 

“I’m sorry,” was all he said in response. Levi didn’t reply this time.

==

Levi awoke before Erwin did, and at first was confused because this was definitely not his bed, let alone his house. But then, he saw the sleeping figure of Erwin beside him and felt the decidedly pleasant ache in his body and everything came back into focus. 

He’d just had sex with Erwin. Erwin Smith, one of the most esteemed soldiers in the US army, and probably the most handsome one too. Erwin loved him, and Levi couldn’t deny that he loved him too. It was hard not to, even to someone like Levi, but naturally it was too good to be true. 

He’d fallen in love with the dashing Erwin Smith, and it was not meant to be. 

It was chilly, even under the blanket, and Erwin felt warm and strong beside him. For a moment, Levi contemplated cuddling up to the man, but he fought the idea off at once. Instead, as quietly as he could, he slipped off the bed and recovered his clothes from where they’d been carelessly thrown across the floor. He couldn’t find a second sock, but that was hardly his concern as he slipped on his shoes and headed out the door.

He thought of Erwin as he walked. 

==

It took days before Erwin could find Levi, and time wasn’t what they had. He was confused – why was Levi going out of his way to avoid him? If anything, shouldn’t he be with Erwin, trying to make the most out of what they had left?

Of course, Erwin knew that Levi wasn’t like that. Levi was an independent soul, and had been one for the longest of times. Levi was a mere 19 years old and alone, with every person he’d cared for and cared for him back torn away from him. He didn’t expect Levi to cling onto him like he may have in the past.

But still, it hurt.

So when he found Levi, playing in the streets of Paris, he pulled out the remnants of the local currency he still had, and pressed it all into Levi’s bucket. It was a wad of cash held by a rubber band, and a handful of coins among other things. Levi stared at him curiously, as did many onlookers.

“I’m sorry,” Erwin said, bowing to the crowd, “but I need to borrow him.” 

He took the bow and violin from Levi’s grasp and placed them in the case, zipping it up with haste before slinging it over his shoulder. He walked a few steps, before turning back to face Levi. “Hurry up,” he said cheekily, before turning once more.

“Where are you taking me?” Levi asked, once he’d caught up, but Erwin gave no answer. “I asked you, where are we going, you shithead?” 

Erwin hushed him, “You’ll see, we’re almost there, just wait.”

And then they were there, at that damned bridge where they’d met, and Levi was completely and utterly confused. 

“What,” he deadpanned, and Erwin wrapped his hands around Levi’s smaller frame. Concerned, Levi looked around, but Erwin moved his face forward.

“Nobody’s around,” he said quietly, and Levi relaxed a little. 

“What are you doing, though?” Levi asked for what must have been the fiftieth time. 

He felt Erwin’s chuckle over his back, and the older man ran his fingers down to Levi’s neck. He pulled him up into a kiss, and stepped back. 

“I’m staying here, Levi,” he said, and for a moment, Levi was unsure as to whether he still understood English.

“You’re what?” he asked, for good measure. Erwin’s smile only grew larger. 

“I talked to them. I’m staying here. I’m staying in France, Levi, I’m not going back.”

And then, Levi started to cry. “I-I honestly… I honestly thought you were going to leave me,” he said between breaths. “You asshole,” he choked. 

He lifted his arm to punch Erwin in the face, but he result was only a small, childish pat on the shoulder. “I’m sorry, Levi,” Erwin said, pulling the younger boy closer. “I promise, though,” he said, “for as long as I can, I’ll never leave you. I swear it on my life.”

And by then, Erwin had long grown used to the chill of the French winter that he didn’t so much as shiver that night.


	8. epilogue

“I can’t leave Paris,” Erwin said sternly. “Sir,” he tacked on the end, just in case.

“What do you mean, you can’t leave?” Commander Pixis inquired. “You seemed so glad to just a while earlier!”

Erwin gave a strained chuckle. “Um, circumstances have led me to believe that I am much more suited to a life here than back home. Sir.”

Pixis sat down at his desk and raised his hand to his chin, gazing down in thought. He looked so serious that Erwin’s heart hammered in chest, unsure as to whether he would allow it.

But then, his expression brightened, almost frighteningly so, and he beamed at Erwin. “You don’t have to keep secrets from me, Smith. I know what’s up.”

Erwin stammered, “Y-You do? Sir?”

The older man gave a reproachful nod, “I’ve once lived a life like yours, you can’t fool me, Smith.” Erwin stood in confusion, but the man carried on. “You’ve gone and found yourself a girlfriend, haven’t you?” he asked, his eyes twinkling. “The French ones are dashingly sweet, if I may say so myself.”

Erwin gave a dry laugh, “Ah… haha.. yes,” he said, embarrassed.

His thoughts flashed to Levi and his furrowed brow, sour expressions and sharp tongue. Sickeningly sweet indeed.

“Something like that.”

Pixis gave a sigh, before turning his head away. "I suppose I can't really deny you this, if you insist so thoroughly. Very well, I will submit your request to stay, and do everything in my power to get it approved. You should have a response in about a week."

"Thank you, sir," Erwin said, giving a salute. "And by the way, did you find those files I asked you about?" Erwin asked, tilting his head.

"Oh yes, the old photographs from a few years back." Commanded Pixis nodded and reached under his desk, pulling out a large, old shoebox. He tapped the lid a few times. "They're right in here, a photograph of the first lieutenants to set foot here. I can't, though, for the life of me figure out why you'd want something like this. Do you mind filling me in?"

"It's nothing, really," Erwin said, picking up a photo. He flipped it over and read the words penned onto the pack, before tucking it into his pocket. "I just owe someone a favour."

 

==

 

Erwin knelt in front of the wooden plank, a hammer in hand as he hung his head. When he looked up, he could see the picture he'd hammered into the centre, and beside it the small bunch of flowers he'd bought. 

"Lieutenant Hanji," he said quietly.

The photo was quite standard, a portrait of her and a few other soliders. It was in modest black and white, but he could leave it to his imagination to place those features that had been burned tightly into his memory.

"I already owe you so much for saving my life, that day over ten years ago, but it seems that I now owe you even more. When Levi first brought me here, I wondered why on earth he'd have thought of such a thing. To me, this place was nothing but the nameless grave of a soul I'd never met. But I was wrong. Everything has purpose." He sat back and looked up at the sky. It was clear, especially for this time of the year, and the sunshine felt warm on his skin.

He stopped for a moment and swallowed, before lowering his eyes. "You never did give me your name, though, which is why I never put two and two together. But I should have known that there was only one person crazy enough to do something like take Levi under their wing. I suppose this only shows how greatly you influenced who I am today." He laughed a little, before standing up. 

"Perhaps it was fate that brought us together, but perhaps it was you too. Without you, neither of us would be where we are today, and for that, I thank you. I thank you, Lieutenant Hanji, for taking care of Levi all those years ago, and I promise I will take care of him just as you did." He gave a final salute, before nodding his head.

"I promise it on my life."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And, it's done! 
> 
> Thanks to the people who supported me from the KM, and thanks to those who just read it here! I did add a tiny little bit to this epilogue than I had originally. It was something I'd actually planned from the start and ended up forgetting at the last moment ahah. Oh man, I hope it doesn't actually make it worse than it was originally... imsorryitscliche


End file.
